I love ‘em. With all my heart I love ‘em. And I’d stand between them and anything that would do them harm. But some days I wonder what God was thinking, making me a Dad.
Ever felt that way?
My wife, amazing wonder-woman that she is, introduced me to a book that’s making a big difference in our family. It’s called “Loving our Kids on Purpose” by Danny Silk. Here’s a clip to give you an idea of what he’s like.
What I like about Danny Silk is he provides theological grounding, not just tips. I’m a big picture guy, and seeing how my life with my kids fits into my larger walk with God really helps. But he’s not all theology, he’s funny and practical – the same kind of balance I search for in my sermons.
One example of how this is changing things at our house: Jess and I get the boys’ attention right after breakfast and explain that there are no more time-outs. “Yay!” We explain that the new plan works like this: when you’re acting crazy, I’m going to ask you “Fun, or room?” If you have a hard time choosing, I’m going to ask “Walk or carry?” If you still can’t make up your mind, I’m going to carry you to your room. When you’re ready to be fun, you may come out. We talked a little bit about what it means to be fun-to-be-around, but the kids got it right away.
Aiden looked thoughtful. “That’s it?” Eli smiled crookedly as the wheels turned. Then he shouted, “No time outs!” and jumped down from his chair. Aiden stayed to help clean up, then went downstairs to play with his brother. It wasn’t long before I heard Eli start to complain. I listened from the top of the stairs as his whiney demands rose in volume. Then my jaw hit the floor when Aiden said in a calm, cool voice, “Eli? Fun or room.” AND IT WORKED! Eli stopped whining and started playing – appropriately.
It’s not all been perfect, but it really does seem to be working. Understanding the “why” behind the “how” is helping me to keep my perspective. I’m still nothing like a perfect dad. You might see some more posts proving that as we continue to learn, but if you’d like to find out more, Jess and I are leading a discussion group at FCC Saugatuck starting September. The group will meet Sunday nights at 5pm beginning Sept 12 & 19 and continuing on Oct 3, 10, 17, and 24. There will be child care and munchies. The $30 registration fee (due Sept 6th) covers our costs, including a copy of the book you get to keep. Call the church office to register: 269-857-2929.
